Alive and Still

I watched a lot of shows growing up as a kid, just on the couch near my grandfather as he read the paper. Since I mainly lived at my grandparent's house, I got to really connect with my uncles and being the "baby" of the family. My mom and dad worked a lot, so I had no choice but to stay with them. I used to draw and play outside with our dog, Kieya. She was fun, had bright brown eyes, and was protective of her loved ones. I missed the way things were just simple. However, at the same time, I don't.

As I grow older, I began to realize that if things always stayed this easy, I would never grow or learn anything. If I didn't miss the winning shot in that basketball semi-final game, I wouldn't know the meaning of what it took to win. If I didn't leave home or stick with my struggling design career, I would never overcome those little fears in traveling or achieve creative excellence. What I am trying to say is that living a simple life is great, but it isn't promised. 

There are times when all is good, but then an event happens and everything changes. You see people change the most because everyone has a different path and perspective on what it means to live. For myself, I just think we don't live without change. Even if it hurts, I think change is overall the best thing that happens for us during our lives. Especially in love and loss. 

When my great grandmother passed away, it was a tough time for my family. She was a strong woman and cared a lot about us in her own way. However, even though we grieved for her loss, it only reminded us of the importance of valuing our family. We needed to be there for each other more, now that she was gone. When I was hurt by the first person I loved, I had a hard time understanding and reacting to the situation. 

Over time, I noticed this certain cycle repeat in its own storyline. I figure maybe it's me, but it's just life. I realized that when things aren't meant for me, I try to make sense of what goes wrong or right. I try to fix the problem. But, that is not my place to be directing. I can't create something that is only created on its own. Therefore, I finally began to understand the true importance of healing.

I continued to appreciate myself more and what it is I want in my life. I will win and I will fail. But, I won't be still. When you look in the mirror and realize that there's so much more about you that is yet to be discovered, you can only be but curious to find out more. I believe that the endgame has no endgame. It's just you and your reflection in the water.